CrazyRio
Full Member
Carefull.......
Posts: 210
|
Post by CrazyRio on Oct 30, 2005 8:55:32 GMT
A man called his neighbor to help him move a couch that had become stuck in the doorway. They pushed and pulled until they were exhausted, but the couch wouldn't budge. "Forget it," the man finally gasped. "We'll never get this in." The neighbour looked at him quizzically and said, "In?"
|
|
|
Post by daspartan on Oct 30, 2005 20:43:54 GMT
Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch some marjiuana, Jack got high, unzipped his fly, and said, "do you wanna?" Jill said yes and dropped her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and then they had a son!
|
|
|
Post by bordern on Oct 30, 2005 22:46:17 GMT
I'm flyin in FL and i'm meeting DaSpartan on colourselite.co.uk .I then ask what is he doin here?he says ESTT is comin here.Then i say OMG!MORE KILLIN PRACTICE!!!!!!!!!He leaves and on my monitor it wrights out WHAT DID U SAY? yOUR COMPUTER WILL EXPLODE IN 5MINS.I quickyl find the antibomb program and defuse the bomb from my monitor.It the wrights out:HA!U THINK YOU'RE SO SMART EY?HERE'S SOMETHING THAT I MADE JUST FOR YOU! yOUR HOUSE WILL EXPLODE IN 10SECS. I w8,w8,w8.......OMG!!!!!!!it didnt explode.now i went backto colours,found daspart and was chasin him everywhere.He didnt know the route and he went to michigan-New london and 4 nomads jump him,kill him. he then says:U'LL PAY FOR THIS COR. and he leaves
|
|
|
Post by Krisko on Oct 31, 2005 16:54:30 GMT
not very good joke, but anyway caes opened a hotel
|
|
|
Post by blakebowman on Oct 31, 2005 23:55:02 GMT
not very good joke, but anyway caes opened a hotel -_- ur right that wasnt all but that funny in an aspect of thinking that the interval of which the colors pixels used matched that of the initial.........<<< know f****** idea what im talking about trying to sound smart but my point was that u were right in that joke wasnt too funny but it was ok
|
|
|
Post by blackhawklt on Nov 1, 2005 2:06:02 GMT
would it be funny if i posted picture of one of those advertisements that said "all gay cruises" and other stupid gay stuff?
|
|
|
Post by andymcnabb2z on Nov 1, 2005 3:46:56 GMT
Adam and Eve are sat in the garden of eden when Adam get a little bored. Off he goes to talk to god and ask if there is anything exciting he could do. "god" he says, "its lovely being here in the Garden of Eden, but isnt there anything else to do here?" "Well" god says, "You could try talking to Eve and get to know her a bit better" "OK" Adam says, and off he goes.
An hour later he returns and says to God... "That was nice God, but isnt there anything else to do?" "You can give Eve a cuddle if you like" God says "Whats a cuddle then God?" Adam asks
So God explains to Adam about giving people cuddles..
An hour later Adam returns again... "God, that was nice but isnt there anything else to do here" "Well have you tried Kissing Eve?" God replies. "No whats kissing then God" Adam says...
So God explains all about kissing...
An hour later yet again Adam returns..
"Yes that was nice god, but isnt there anything else to do?" "Well you could have sex with Eve" "Whats sex then God?" Adam asks..
So God explains to Adam all about having sex and off Adam goes.
5 minutes later Adam returns...
"God" Adam asks...
"Whats a headache?"
|
|
CrazyRio
Full Member
Carefull.......
Posts: 210
|
Post by CrazyRio on Nov 1, 2005 8:13:49 GMT
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't be quiet long enough to build up the required pressure.
How do you know if a man is sexually active? He’s breathing
|
|
|
Post by blackhawklt on Nov 1, 2005 12:49:59 GMT
thats wrong
|
|
CrazyRio
Full Member
Carefull.......
Posts: 210
|
Post by CrazyRio on Nov 1, 2005 14:54:04 GMT
A man and a woman were driving down the road and arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's thingy off. Angrily, she tosses it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9-year-old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the thingy smacks the car on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off. Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"
Not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."
The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big thingy, didn't it?"
|
|
CrazyRio
Full Member
Carefull.......
Posts: 210
|
Post by CrazyRio on Nov 3, 2005 16:47:06 GMT
Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a curse: those that weren't curses were to say the least, rude.
Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite things. Words and playing soft music...anything she could think of. Nothing worked.
She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird got madder and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace.
For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking kicking and screaming and then, suddenly there was absolute quiet. Mary was frightened that she might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm and said:
"I'm very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior and I am sure it will never happen again."
Mary was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
|
|
|
Post by bordern on Nov 3, 2005 17:47:21 GMT
What's a woman? A neverending dotsquare wich stands up a line
God created the man then he relaxed. God created the woman,after that no1 ever relaxed
|
|
Tregelen
Full Member
Guess who's sort of back :D
Posts: 103
|
Post by Tregelen on Nov 3, 2005 17:58:50 GMT
heres a few jokes
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.
"My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said, "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."
Three men were lost in the forest and later captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pbehinded a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest with the cannibals and get 10 pieces of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather some.
The first man came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."
The king then explained the second step of the trial to him. First, he had to shove the fruits up his behind without any expression on his face, or he would be eaten. The first apple went in, but when he tried the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.
The second man arrived and showed the king that his ten fruits were berries. When the king explained the trial to the second man, he secretly thought to it would be easy to shove the berries up his behind. On the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter, so he was also was killed and went to heaven.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!"
The second one replied, "I know, but I couldn`t help it. I was doin` just great when all of a sudden the third guy showed up with all those watermelons!"
This last joke isn't mine so if anyone feels offended its not my opinion i just though it was quite funny
Three Wishes.......... (Here`s a joke for the ladies)
A magical frog was trapped in a thorn bush. A passing woman noticed its cries for help. The frog said, "if you free me, I have the power to grant you 3 wishes".
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get TIMES TEN!" The woman said, "That`s okay."
For her 1st wish, she wanted to be the most BEAUTIFUL woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That`s okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM!!!-she`s the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her 2nd wish, she wanted to be the RICHEST woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That`s okay, because what`s mine is his & what`s his is mine."
So, KAZAM!!!-she`s the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her 3rd wish, and she answered, "I`d like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. DON`T MESS WITH THEM!
Attention FEMALE readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Attention MALE readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack. . . . . . . . ten times MILDER than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really not that smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that WOMEN NEVER LISTEN!!! Hehehe
|
|
|
Post by blackhawklt on Nov 4, 2005 1:11:23 GMT
|
|
|
Post by azkaban on Nov 4, 2005 3:41:13 GMT
Guys, iam a woman....im loud as and i let off big farts....explain that .
|
|
|
Post by tyrael on Nov 5, 2005 21:48:00 GMT
BEHOLD! The LONGEST post in the HISTORY of the WORLD!
**************************************************************************
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mother,
I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:
"Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love,
Mom
Lesson of the Day - Don't lie to your Mother.
**************************************************************************
How To Win Arguments
by Dave Barry
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules: 1. Drink Liquor Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're just drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room. 2. Make Things Up Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say "I think Peruvians are underpaid." SAY: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up as well. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left your soiled underwear in my bath house." 3. Use Meaningless, But Weighty Sounding Words And Phrases Memorize this list:
Let me put it this way In terms of Vis-a-vis Per se As it were Qua So to speak
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g." and "i.e.". These words are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not."
Here's how to use these words in phrases. Suppose you want to say "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say "In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."
Only a fool would challange that statement. 4. Use Snappy Comebacks You need an arsenal of all purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
You're begging the question. You're being defensive. Don't compare apples and oranges. What are your parameters?
The last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say "As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873..." Your opponent says " Lincoln died in 1865." You say "You're begging the question."
OR
You say "Liberians, like most Asians..." Your opponent says "Liberia is in Africa." You say "You're being defensive." 5. Compare You're Opponent To Adolph Hitler This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say." or "You certainly do remind me of Adolph Hitler." So that's it. You now know how to out-argue anyone. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generaly carry weapons.
**************************************************************************
WAYS TO CONFUSE YOUR FLOORMATES (THIS MAY TAKE SOME ROOMMATE COOPERATION) 1) Play "Car Bomb" by Negativland on repeat all day long.
2) Get a fishbowl with no water in it and suspend dead or plastic fish with string inside the bowl. Feed them.
3) Speak another language that no one knows.
4) Dress alike and call each other the same name.
5) Get a big chiming clock and everytime the clock chimes stand outside your door and smile at the elevator.
6) Attach furniture or small pieces of stuff to the ceiling.
7) Juggle rubber chickens outside the neighbors door.
8) Make it common knowledge that you are writing a book called, "How to Destroy Your Neighbor, and Eat His Soul." Post signs asking for test subjects.
9) Slip bill collection notices under your neighbors door at night, threatening retribution from "Philipe and Guiseppe" if payment is not made soon.
10) Play role playing games by yourself in the hall.
11) Compose Gregorian Chants about little children.
12) Buy a fog machine and occasionally come out of the smoke filled room with soot on your face (after playing Car Bomb)
13) Wear lots of make-up
14) Enter the shower wearing all your clothes and hang your robe on the hook. Leave wearing only a robe.
15) Put up a large contraption that covers one wall and call it a juicer.
16) Build a large metal sculpture in your room and occasionally weld it.
17) Tell people the murder scenes in "Faces of Death" were unrealistic. Offer to show them what it really looks like.
18) Pet eggs.
19) Ask to borrow your neighbors clothes.
20) Force your neighbors to borrow your clothes.
21) Knock and sniff at everything in their room. When they ask what you are doing, smile and stand at attention, stating your social security number, your room number, your phone number, your birthdate, anything with numbers in it.
22) Hide some of your possessions in your neighbors room. Come into their room ranting about how they've stolen these possessions.
23) Collect Barbie Doll limbs. Paint blood on the stubs.
24) Dress up like Spiderman and leap around the room.
25) Dance when there is no music.
26) Play a musical instrument such as guitar without strings.
**************************************************************************
Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Corporate: You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.
Democracy: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.
PURE SOCIALISM You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everybody else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. the government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM You have two cows. the government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you all the eggs and milk that regulations say you should need.
COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, then sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
COMMUNISM (reality): You share two cows with your neighbours. You and your neighbours bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
COMMUNISM (Stalinism) You have two cows. You are shot as a counter-revolutionary. The cows are put in the Gulag. The milk? What milk? Who are you, and why are you asking about milk, Comrade?
CHINESE COMMUNISM You have two cows. You are made to take care of them, the government takes all the milk.
COMMUNISM (Leninism) You have two cows. You are shot as a counter-revolutionary. The cows are also shot as counter-revolutionary. The Proletariat gets the milk, but refuses to drink such petit bourgeois liquids.
MILITARIANISM You have two cows. the government takes both and drafts you. DICTATORSHIP You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
TOTALITARIANISM You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
FASCISM You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage. <<< Spelling help from Paul T Hopper
ANARCHY You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours will kill you and take your cows.
**************************************************************************
The CIA, the FBI and the LAPD are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming, "Okay, okay! I'm a RABBIT!! I'm a RABBIT!!"
**************************************************************************
On a tour of Alaska, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains for some sight seeing.
He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, and a "Save the Whales" T-shirt was struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the jaws of a 10-foot grizzly.
As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding semiconscious Democrat from the bear. Then using long clubs, the three loggers beat the bear to death and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between loggers and environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that that is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?"
"It was the Pope," another replied, "he's in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all God's wisdom, but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting..... By the way, is the bait holding up okay or do we need to go back to town and grab another one?"
**************************************************************************
There was a small plane flying carrying four passengers; a school boy, the Pope, Shaqueel O'Neil(sp?) and President Bush. There was also the pilot of course.
As they were flying, the engines died and the plane began to descend. There are only four parachutes...
The pilot came and said, "I'm an important person because people need me to help them get around the world. So, I will take one parachute."
With that, he took a parachute and jumped off the plane.
O'Neil stood up and said, "I play basketball, my team needs me and America loves me. If I die, it will cause alot of problems and break alot of hearts. So, I shall take one parachute.
With that, he took a parachute and jumped off the plane.
Then, the president gets up. He says, "I'm the smartest man in the world, I don't deserve to die."
With that, he took a parachute and jumped off the plane.
The Pope looks at the remaining parachute and then looks at the child and says, "Dear child, I have lived a long and comfortable life and am very satisfied. You are still young and have much to do in this world, so you take this parachute and live."
The boy replies, "That won't be necessary."
The Pope looks back in confusion and asks, "Why is that?"
To this the boy replies, "The smartest man in the world just took my school bag and jumped."
**************************************************************************
How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb? 182 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs 1 to move it to the Lighting section 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 5 to flame the spell checkers 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid 3 to post "own3d" pictures, defending their spelling choice. 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp" 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct 19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum 11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty 7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs 4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group 13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too" 5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs" 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again
**************************************************************************
We always hear “the rules” from the feminine side. Ok - well now hear the guys’ side ? These are our rules! Please note ...these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
THE GUYS RULES 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR. 1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it! 1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Check your oil! Please. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. I’m in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
**************************************************************************
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people:
"What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment, the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder.
The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said.
The son listened to the recording and laughed, uproariously. But, he refused to translate. So, the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They, too, laughed, long and loudly, but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.
Finally, an official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message:
"Watch out for these guys. They have come to steal your land." **************************************************************************
If anyone finds a longer post than that, I'll eat myself.
|
|
Tregelen
Full Member
Guess who's sort of back :D
Posts: 103
|
Post by Tregelen on Nov 5, 2005 22:01:22 GMT
Joke of the day: My performance in the first GP race ;D
|
|
|
Post by blackhawklt on Nov 6, 2005 3:41:38 GMT
you did good -_-
|
|
|
Post by tyrael on Nov 6, 2005 6:14:35 GMT
Joke of the day: My performance in the first GP race ;D Rofl. Good one!
|
|
CrazyRio
Full Member
Carefull.......
Posts: 210
|
Post by CrazyRio on Nov 6, 2005 23:14:48 GMT
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for early retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officers got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a grizzly old Captain who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my thingy to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he may want to reconsider, explaining about the nice checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Captain insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Captain to "drop em", which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Captain's thingy and began to work back. "My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The Captain calmly replied..."In Vietnam."
|
|