CrazyRio
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Carefull.......
Posts: 210
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Post by CrazyRio on Mar 6, 2007 11:50:40 GMT
ach Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic." Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
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CrazyRio
Full Member
Carefull.......
Posts: 210
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Post by CrazyRio on Mar 10, 2007 22:33:30 GMT
maybe old one but still good : A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
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Post by Destroyed on Mar 11, 2007 0:13:21 GMT
lol very funny ^^
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Post by Incar on Mar 11, 2007 0:40:34 GMT
3 captains walk into a bar, ouch.
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Post by [Ronin]Gus_Power_LtCol on Mar 11, 2007 10:53:44 GMT
2 Balloons are flying through the desert, says one balloon : "Watch out for that cactus". Replies the other :" What cactussssssssssss..."
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Post by ron on Mar 11, 2007 16:38:24 GMT
A bus stop and a lay by are stood at the bar drinking. In walks a strip of pink tarmac, doesnt look to either side and steps up to the bar.
Layby:"Who is this weirdo?" Bus stop: "shhh, just shhh.." shaking his head frantically.
The Pink tarmac orders a pint of vodka from the visibly shaken barman.
Layby: "A pint!! He must be mad I'll go over and talk to him..." Bus Stop: "NO! SHhh just shhh..." restraining the layby.
The pink tarmac downs the pint in one go. Pink Tarmac: "Pint of Vodka"
Layby:"No look this aint right im gonna go over and have a word.." Bus Stop;"SHhh jsut shhh." Desperately restraining his friend.
The pink tarmac downs the pint of vodka in one go, turns round and walks out without another word. The barman shakes his head and wipes his brow before clearing up.
Layby:"Now what was all that about...??" Bus Stop: "Him...just stay away from him, hes a CYCLEPATH!!"
LOL
;D
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Post by Soric on Mar 11, 2007 17:56:15 GMT
Hehehehehe
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Post by [Ronin]Gus_Power_LtCol on Mar 16, 2007 0:00:27 GMT
A guy walked up to me and said : "I'm a tipi, I'm a wigwam, I'm a tipi, I'm a wigwam. " I said : "Relax man, You're too tense"
A guy walks in his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. He says "Look, that's the old goat i sleep with when i'm not with you." His wife replied: "That aint a goat, that's sheep." The man then said : "be quiet, i ain't talking to you."
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Post by [Ronin]Gus_Power_LtCol on Mar 16, 2007 0:05:32 GMT
A biology teacher in 9th grade asks her class a question : "What part of the body of a man grow up to 50 times when stimulated?" One of her girl students is shocked of the question and yells : "What kind of sick question is that? I'm gonna tell my parents about this!" The teachers is quite upset but asks someone else. "The Pupil of the eye" answered one the other students. "That is correct"
"Now listen little girl" the teacher said against the girl who was shocked. "First : you didnt learn your lesson, Second : It is you who has a foul mind and third : You will be very dissapointed later when you start dating"
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Post by Soric on Mar 16, 2007 2:42:52 GMT
Roffle.
Keep 'em comin!
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Post by Destroyed on Mar 16, 2007 9:54:28 GMT
i like it lol
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CrazyRio
Full Member
Carefull.......
Posts: 210
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Post by CrazyRio on Mar 19, 2007 8:49:03 GMT
One day, I looked up in the sky. A bird came by and nuts into my eye. I didn't laugh. I didn't cry. I was just happy, that cows can't fly.
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Post by Krisko on Mar 19, 2007 22:05:46 GMT
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Post by Soric on Mar 19, 2007 22:15:17 GMT
Not sure if it counts as a joke, but i'll be damned if it isn't freekin' sweet.
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Post by Krisko on Mar 20, 2007 12:44:56 GMT
lol, i know ;D didn't know where to post
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Post by >3MAJ<>Red_Sonya< on Mar 20, 2007 13:07:33 GMT
That with Chinese guy was ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Master of Chaos on Mar 20, 2007 17:22:33 GMT
Jesus was walking around in heaven, and saw Saint Peter. Saint Peter asked if Jesus could watch the gate for him while he ran a few errands. Jesus asked what did he have to do. Saint Peter told him that he had to ask about what kind of life did he live and what family did he have. Jesus took the job. A few minutes later a wrinkly old man came approaching the gates. Jesus began to converse with him and asked the old man " So what did you for a living?" The old man replied "Well i was a carpenter." Jesus leaned closer when he heard this. "Well did you have a family?" Jesus asked next The old man responded "I had a son who had holes in his hands and feet" , and Jesus leaned a little closer "Father?" Jesus asked "Pinochio?" replied the old man.
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Post by Master of Chaos on Mar 20, 2007 17:34:42 GMT
Oxymorons
Anarchy Rules! boxing ring Business Ethics Butthead Cafeteria food California expressway Central Intelligence Agency Chaotic organization Cheap Gas Civil War Country Music Department of Interior (responsible for everything outside) Friendly Fire Government Intelligence Great Depression Guaranteed Forecast Holy Roman Empire Ok i got bored and am tired of typing so here is the last one.....
MASTER OF CHAOS
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Post by ratty01 on Mar 20, 2007 17:36:11 GMT
a little boy walks into his mum and dads room and says "mummy why are u lied on top of daddy" the mother replies "oh im just flattening him down" so the little boy replied "hmmm thats funny, because yesterday i saw the next door neighbor blowing him up" i just thought it was funny
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Post by [Ronin]Gus_Power_LtCol on Mar 20, 2007 17:39:31 GMT
A bear is chasing a rabit through the woods day in, day out. A magic tree who lives in the forest too, is fed up with all the chasing. So when the rabit and the bear pass the tree, the tree shouts: "STOP! If you guys stop running around i will grant you each 3 wishes" The bear and rabit agreed.
-"I go first" said the bear "I wish all the other bears in this wood are females except me" And so it was... "I wish for a good helmet and racing gloves" The rabit wished and so it was. -"What a stupid wish. I wish that all the bears in the forest next to this are all females too" The bear wished, and so it was... "I wish for a really fast motorcycle" The rabit wished and so it was... -"Another stupid wish mate" The bear laughed "I wish that all the bears in every forest in the world were female bears except me" The bear wished and so it was...
The bear was so happy that he made a little dance "Oh boy, this is gonna be great". Meanwhile, the rabit put on his helmet and racing gloves, got on the motorcycle. "Magic Tree" the rabit asked "For my last wish... I wish that the bear next to me was gay..." So it was and the rabit drove away... ;D
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